I am sat here tonight with a list of possible events to enter for 2014, and I just can’t bring myself to enter any of them.
It is not the cost, I think it is the thought that there is a possibility I may not finish one or more of them, it is the fear of failure.
I will be totally honest I have never entered anything before I didn’t think I would finish. Maybe it is a touch of arrogance but I always believe I can pretty much do anything, and yet now I am starting to wonder if the mask is slipping and maybe I am not so confident in my own ability.
The problem is I want to do triathlons but lack the confidence in my swimming which is in turn affecting me by making me start to doubt I still can achieve what I want to. To some, this might sound stupid but to people who do sports, confidence is a key ingredient. The belief in your own ability is often what gets you through those difficult moments and without it I for one certainly feel fragile.
Is the answer to dedicate myself to swimming to improve and basically do it till I have the confidence? Possibly.
Is the answer to take a structured approach to swimming? Possibly.
Do I know the answer? No
I don’t think I have ever had this type of crisis of confidence in my own ability and certainly not to the point where one sport affects others.
I am heading into a bad place and I know I need to deal with it, I get great advice from Mike and also from my swimming instructor who is always positive, but in the end it is down to me and me alone and I need to do it now.
I am sure a wise man once said, “man up you big girl” and he was probably right!